And just like that, when I've come to accept my non-role in my own life, the Lord tests it.
After a long, exhausting day last night I head home to find my house a wreck (no surprise there...) and no will to clean it. I said, "Lord, I'm too tired. I just can't." Early to bed for me.
On my way to bed, my glasses break. Guess that phone call to the eye doctor will be made today rather than some vague time in the future.
After reading my Bible and North & South, I pray for a good nights sleep (i.e. one that does not involve me getting up at 2 and 4 am) and roll over.
And then, my phone rings. And I get some not so happy news. Not the end of the world news, but news that made me feel helpless and anxious. I cried. I prayed. I prayed some more. My mind was now wide awake and not letting me sleep. I again told God that I needed to sleep. Really really needed to sleep.
This morning I woke up and actually felt like getting out of bed! And who says God doesn't listen when we pray? But more than that, I'm am so excited to see God preparing my heart for things I cannot control. I'm not waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I am expecting something big. Not because I deserve something big or have worked for it, but because God is big. And that is something I'm really glad about. Especially today.