A Thrill of Hope

I've being following along with She Reads Truth advent devotionals this year. There's a whole thing about me wanting to purchase this beautiful bound book that they put together (with all the advent readings, artwork, scripture, etc.) but just couldn't justify the price, but then a friend reminded me that it is all online for FREE so...here we are. 

The reading today talked about hope and joy. How hoping for things at times seems too painful because of disappointment in the past. Man, I felt that. There have been so many times in my life, past and very recent present, that I have been intensely disappointed. 

Betrayed.

Let down. 

Abandoned.

Hope seems useless when things keep blowing up in your face. Looking forward to good things seems pointless because of that tiny annoying voice (that eventually gets louder than you can bear) that says you don't deserve good things.  

In Luke 1:13, Gabriel appears to Zechariah and tells him such news that Zechariah has trouble believing it: "Do not be afraid,Zechariah, because your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you will name him John."

The story isn't new to me, but the thing I noticed when I read it this time was that Gabriel said "Your prayer has been heard." Could he be talking about an old prayer from a young Zechariah and a young Elizabeth? That's always been what I thought. But this time...what if it was a prayer that Zechariah became too used to praying that he forgot he was saying the words? Or what if his faith was so strong that he continued praying for a son, even past the age when it should be possible, because he believed that God could do mighty and miraculous things? 

Your prayer has been heard. 

You are not betrayed. You have not been let down. 

You have not been abandoned. 

Later in the story, after we find out Elizabeth is pregnant and has been secluded for five months, she says, "The Lord has done this for me." (Luke 1:25) She knows. This is no small wink from heaven that might have something to do with her story. This is a very personal event that tells her that God heard her prayer, saw her want, and gave her a son. 

A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices. For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn. 

Ya'll I am tired. This year has been exhausting. That tiny thrill of hope in my soul keeps burning out. I'm afraid to let it in because of all the hurt that has happened. In this waiting time of Advent, I keep reading about Emmanuel, God with us. Fulfillment of prophecy. And I keep coming back to that phrase: a thrill of hope the weary world rejoices. This hope, this Jesus--is enough to make the weary rejoice. And from great personal experience, when you are world weary, not a lot makes you rejoice.  

May that thrill of hope be enough for you this season to say that prayer one more time, to ask God that impossible thing that he has put in your heart. Maybe even to pray a prayer for a situation that seems hopeless, one that you can't see a solution for. 

That thrill? I'm not sure it's very big. It's the goosebumps on your arms, the flutter in your stomach. 

But it is enough.

Everything I Need

I want a lot of things. I'm sure I'm not alone in this.

If you look at my Target, Ulta, or Amazon wish list, this will be clear to you (if not a little embarrassing to me).

I go through my day thinking of things I want: more sleep, more tea or coffee (or another Moka pot of coffee, which is my new favorite thing), more couch time, more TV time, more cleaning time. Okay maybe not so much that last one. But you get the idea. More time.

As I was craving more sleep time (which I'm still kinda blaming on jet lag to alleviate the guilt of sleeping my only free day away...), I found this on Instagram.

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A post shared by The Gospel Project (@gospelproject_) on Apr 5, 2019 at 5:00am PDT

This is a familiar verse. I learned it in pre-school. It is often quoted at funerals. I learned it "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want." I grew up and learned that "want" meant more than just "desiring things," which I think was hard for me as a child. The Bible says I shall not want! Here it could also mean "I lack nothing," which is also a little hard to process.  Today, the translation caught me off guard. I have what I need. 

I'm not sure how many times I've looked back on a day and said, "I had everything I needed today." If I had to guess, I'd say never. Don't we always want more out of a day? But this verse, with beauty and simplicity, says that with God as my shepherd, I have what I need. Excuse the short grammar lesson here, but the semicolon that connects these two phrases tells us that they are closely related. They go together.  If, then. If God is my shepherd, then I have what I need. 

Like I mentioned, I'm a little jet lagged. Traveling all the way to New Zealand and back will do that to you, I guess. Since I've been back, I've been thinking a lot about what I have and what I don't have.  I have a place to live and closets full of clothes. After living out of a carry-on suitcase for two weeks, I feel overwhelmed with clothing choices. (Is that going to stop me from going shopping today? It is not.) I have a job. Actually, I have two jobs. I have good friends and family (and friends who are like family). 

But even in all that, there are still things I feel I want. And in the same way that I feel overwhelmed with my clothing choices now that I'm back, the wants of my heart started to overwhelm my mind. 

So this morning, reading that in God I have all that I need, my heart could finally rest. It's okay to have wants and desires, I know this. It says in Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." The New Testament tells us that our Heavenly Father gives good gifts to those who ask (Matthew 7:11). 

I won't stop asking. I won't stop chasing after God, delighting in the things he has already given me. 

But today? 

Today He is my shepherd; I have everything I need.