Sunday, May 30, 2010

Not so lazy Sunday

Forgive me, dear readers. I have intentionally not updated you on the move that happened this weekend. I couldn't. I promise I tried, though. I had the 'new post' tab opened all day yesterday and a little bit Friday night. But every time I went to start a post, I got scared. Like somehow if I did post about the move and my spacious apartment, it would make it far too real for me. As I was sitting on my love seat this morning, drinking my coffee, I thought that it would be okay to blog about everything now. I'm not sure what kind of difference a day or two makes, but I guess in my head it mattered.

Today is the second full day I've spent in my new apartment! Friday we moved up and CLEANED! Unfortunately, the place wasn't cleaned properly/at all. Dad, Mom, Meagan and I spent almost the entire day (11am-9pm) cleaning. Some of that was used for unloading boxes and furniture, but most of it was for cleaning. Mom, Sonya and my cousin, Christi came up on Saturday to do some more cleaning and organizing. We made a trip to Walmart to pick up some more stuff for the place. I will probably make another trip out once I get my first paycheck. I need a lamp for the living room and possibly one for the dinning room too.
I went to Christ Evangelical Lutheran Church this morning. It's two blocks from my apartment so it's a lovely walk first thing in the morning. It is far more traditional than what I'm used to back at Fleetwood. I'm not sure if I'll keep attending or not. I will be home for 3 Sundays in June, so I have some time to do some research on other churches in the area.

I think I have plans for tomorrow that do NOT include me sitting in my apartment all day--YAY! Today, though, I think I will spend some time inside cleaning a little, doing some work for an online workshop on archives to prepare me for my internship, and maybe do a little reading for fun. It has been so long since I've been able to read for fun! I've been reading a book of letters by C. S. Lewis and I'm anxious to be done with it because I received a 2 volume set of all his letters for graduation that I want to read! I know I know, very exciting! Ha! I'm getting into his "Christian" letters now where he discusses theology and points of Christian living and developing a personal relationship with Christ with some of his fans. It is very insightful. I am always careful not to accept everything he says without actually thinking it through, but the more I think critically about what he has to say about our response to the forgiveness of sin and building a relationship with Christ, the more I understand that what he has to say is biblical and worded in such a way that it makes more sense to me. I think if I ever get around to reading for fun on a regular basis (the first book I read will either be Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman or The Bride Collector by Ted DekKer, by the way), I might start a book blog. Hmm... we'll see.

Going to change into some clothes for cleaning. Bathroom floor, I will conquer you!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Graduation, packing, and the two-week itch

Graduation went off without a hitch. Very possibly the most nerve-wracking day of my very short life, but pretty enjoyable. I was student commencement speaker and only had one tiny mistake in my speech. I deny people's praise and commendations, but honestly, I am very proud of my speech. I didn't realize it until I was on the platform looking out over a practically packed Sovereign Center, but I very quickly discovered that this was a special honor and I had every right to be proud of myself. I wish now that I could remember more than the fear and the nervousness I felt that day. Most of my speech in my memory is a haze of words. I suppose I would get very prideful if I could remember any more than the nerves.

Almost as soon as the diploma holder was in my hand (since, among other reasons, my grades STILL weren't in by graduation or even a week after graduation...), I found myself packing up my belongings. Packing up? Going where? Gettysburg. I got a year long internship at the college library. I got the phone call that said, "We want YOU!" Sometime between the funeral, Easter, and final papers coming due. I've had very little time to be super excited about this, but I promise I am. What's really been hard is the two weeks.Two weeks, almost to the day after graduation, I will be moved into my apartment. Does that seem fast to anyone else?!?! Whenever I have big changes or moves in life (remember London?), I have this two week crisis. I decide that I don't need to change, move, or otherwise disrupt my comfortable life to do something new and adventurous. I didn't have that this time, perhaps for the good.

However, I've had days where I wake up late and have zero motivation to pack. Absolutely none. Those days I hate. But I'm running out of those days, and even good packing days. Tomorrow is my last day. My last day to get all the important things, clothes, books and such into a box. And it's hard to do to that. For 22 years, I've never had to move anything. I still have notes from high school packed away somewhere, stuffed animals I don't miss, and playbills from my shows and friend's shows. Now, in two weeks, it is getting packed up.

New experiences are not all bad, of course. In fact C. S. Lewis thought that all experiences were valuable. He said of a temporary post in the philosophy department at Trinity College:
"It's poorly paid and temporary...but it better to be inside than out, and it is always a beginning. The experience should be valuable."
So tomorrow, I'll pack more boxes, prepare myself for the next adventure in my life. And, if nothing else, the experience will be valuable...

Friday, May 14, 2010

finally friday

It's here.
The very last day of undergraduate study.
One final stands between me and graduation. Is it just me or did this day seem like a fantasy four years ago? The mythical day at the end of four years of study that, in the moment, felt like it would kill me and THEN go to work on me. I never thought it would end.
I've been slightly emotional this week. A few different reasons for that, some of which have nothing to do with graduation. But mostly, I've been thinking about the friends I've made, the relationships I've worked on and how in a little more than 24 hours I might never see some of those people again. It's sad and depressing. I didn't have to go through the separation when I started college; it's one of the perks of staying local. I had a taste of it when I got back from London. I miss Rachel at least 5 times every day. I can't even imagine multiplying that to cover all the friends I made in the library and the Learning Center over the years, not to mention theater friends, classmates and club members. Saying goodbye is one of my least favourite things to do these days.
And of course, I can't make it through graduation without thinking of J. He was graduating from high school this year. He was going to go to college in the fall and have his own set of scary and exciting college experiences. Maybe it shouldn't, but it hurts me to know he doesn't have that chance. It hurts me to think of his parents and how they won't get to see him graduate. It still hurts, and it makes me wonder if it will ever NOT hurt.
If I know you and don't live with you, don't be surprised if I don't say "goodbye" after graduation. I can't. I'll probably say "See you later" because I need to believe I will see you again. Perhaps a bit dramatic and romantic, but hey! I'm an English major. It's how I do things.
One good thing about all of this is soon I won't have to fight for a parking space at school! That gets rid of about 50% of my daily stress!