Sunday, December 12, 2010

What I'm doing here

What am I doing here?
Too often, I'm struck by this question and it throws my life off balance. I want to know what I'm supposed to do to make my life worth living. Count 'em: three references to me being in control of my life. Not only that, but deciding the worthiness of my life by my own actions and fulfillment and satisfaction. So many problems going on in that last thought!
I have a confession: I didn't go to church today. Shock. It is the strangest feeling to not be with a body of believers. What I did do was pull up the internet (a very hard task some days!), log onto The Village Church website and listen to a Matt Chandler sermon called "What Are We Doing Here?"
I love Matt Chandler. His sermons, no matter when they were originally given, always speak to a place in my life that I am struggling with. I love (and hate) that they usually hit me right between the eyes, that they help me see my sin where I didn't recognize the sin. He would probably be upset with the semi-rock star status I give to him, so let me clarify a little more. He is so quick to say how fallen he is, so I'm not under the illusion that he is perfect. I get that. What I so treasure about his ministry is how open and honest he is. He doesn't sugar coat things and calls out the problems the Christians of the Plastic Church without apology. I am a member there some days and it is refreshing and liberating to know that being a "messy Christian" is not something to be ashamed of. We are all hopelessly flawed. In Christ, we have perfection, yes. But we still live in a sinful world and we can't and won't get it right this side of eternity.
One of the things that spoke to my heart and the way I live my life this morning was this: that the glory of God is weightier than anything I find important. He is ultimate reality. If I don't understand God as the ultimate reality, I understand him only as a concept. A concept is not hard & fast--I can change and adjust it to my understanding. And this is what Matt says about that: "When you know God as a concept, you are heavier than Him. You say 'I have more glory than God. I'm smarter than God as He's revealed Himself to be for over four thousand years.' [But] when He becomes our ultimate reality, that changes everything. "
It's the glory and grace of God that allows me to be called His child. He has extended the gift of eternal life to me for His glory. So all my questions about my purpose and future? They mean nothing because it's not about me. It's about the weight of His glory.
Why am I here? For the glory of God. What am I supposed to do with my life? Anything--everything-- for the glory of God. Will I go back to school? If I do, it's for the glory of God. What if I never get married? If I don't, it's for the glory of God.
My identity as a student, daughter, sister, friend--this doesn't define me. It won't last. But understanding God as ultimate reality? Knowing that He doesn't change, won't change to accommodate the whims of my sinful life? That because of His unchanging nature I can cling to the fact that "Even in this, God is good"? That is going to change the way I live my life, for the glory of God.

"And it’s only the weight of God, the reality of God that sustains that, not the concept of God." ~Matt Chandler