Snowy Confession Time

Dear readers, I have to confess.

I haven't had more than 5 cups of coffee this month.

Insane, right?

It's the weather and my cold! It makes me want tea instead of coffee!

Good news is I'm starting to feel better and the coffee drinking has begun anew. I am feeling much more human and like my old caffeine-addled self.

But, alas, that is not the whole confession part.

Drumroll (and many apologies for not saying so sooner...):

I have a job!

Actually and technically, I have two jobs!

I started part-time regular work at Old Navy this week and it has been fabo-fabulous. I did happen to start on a particularly crazy day, as the Stuff&Save promotion happened this week. And getting to work yesterday was insane! The store was pretty quiet, which was a nice time to spend some more time getting to know the store better. This week I was on the sales floor; next week it looks like I'm on CashWrap. Which I'm not terribly excited about, but will find the strength to endure.
Why? How??
Because in my head, I'm always doing the happy "I've got a job!" dance!

I'm also part-time holiday at Bath & Body Works, but haven't started there yet. I'm having tons of issues with getting into the system from home to input my availability so I can be put on the schedule. So. I haven't worked yet and I'm not even in the schedule. I'll think about it tomorrow :)

Crazy, huh?

I waiting to post this for a few reasons. One being it felt weird to post about a job I had before working one shift. The bigger reason though was this: I was working on being thankful.
These jobs are not my dream jobs. When I officially was hired and my first orientations were scheduled, everyone around me was excited. I was thinking, "Gee, Lord. Retail? Really? Because when you see me you say "shopper!" My prayers were answered...just not in the way I had wanted! I felt embarrassed about having a job most college could get. No offense to college students, but I have my degree. Shouldn't I be able to get a "real", "grown-up" job? Apparently, not right now. Maybe soon. But not now.
It took some time, but I am finally thankful to have these jobs. (Even if it means driving to them in the snow! Rain! Or any other time!) They will stretch me. A lot.

And probably drive me to drink more coffee. Which, in the end, is a good thing, right?

P.S. Also, if this post is worded strangely (or rather, stranger than the usual oddness), I blame it on Rachel. She made me read this book called "Withering Tights" by Louise Rennison. It is hilarious and makes me talk like a 15 year old.

A bit of change

Today was a pretty big day for me.

Best part?

I hardly had to leave my house.

I've had this horrible allergy-induced cough for the past few days. Blergh. I woke up in a coughing fit. Not a cool way to start my Saturday. That was quickly remedied by my mother offering to make pancakes for breakfast. She was even super resourceful when it came to the chocolate chips we didn't have to be put in my pancakes. And we aren't even at the best part.

I went to the library with my dad, something we used to do together a lot. I remember days when I would take home a stack of books and a few movies that I could blaze through in a matter of hours/days. (Oh for the days when I didn't have to pay library fines! I've finally gotten rid of all my fines and I'm trying to keep it that way!) I went in to pick up one book. One book that was already on hold for me. But did I look anyway? Yes. And I came home with a book I've been dying to read (Ted DekKer's newest!) and a Robin McKinley book that Neil Gaiman endorsed as "pretty much perfect." (How could I *not* pick it up??) So I now have four books that absolutely, positively HAVE to wait until I finish "A Game of Thrones" because I've put that one off long enough. And I have to keep reading because my friend is reading it...and I'm trying (but failing) to catch up with her.

Trip to the library, new books, and still not the best part.

I threw stuff out.

A lot of stuff.

See, I tend to hang on to stuff. You never know who will want it (I'll have it!) or when I'll need it (I'll still have it!). I keep ephemera things because I got it/used it/blew my nose it in while I was in London. (Ok, not that last one. That would be gross.) Or I have stuff that might have been important at one time (receipts or bank statements, old pay stubs) but no longer have value. There are things that I am afraid to throw away for absolutely no other reason than I'm not sure if I should. What if I want it later?

Sometimes it is a memory thing. There is a song from the musical "Ordinary Days" about a girl cleaning out some space in her apartment to make room for her boyfriend who is moving in and she says, "But somehow I've been petrified to see what's been kept inside these chests and drawers. It's so very strange finding stuff from a lifetime ago, even when the life you find is yours. And there are things that make you feel that you needed this proof that your past was real. And you can't let them go."

I know exactly how that feels! I sometimes think if I get rid of that note or card, I'll forget. And sometimes I do. Sometimes, it's a good thing to forget. But some things don't need notes or cards to stay in your memory. And I know I don't need to hold on to everything.

I've tried to do projects like this before, but I usually/always get stuck halfway through the mire and I end up shoving it all back it the drawer.

Today? My mom helped.

Kind pancake maker, yes. But when it comes to cleaning up and throwing out, she is a force to be reckoned with. She understands my tendency to hold on to things (it is, sadly, something that runs in the family) but she lovingly helped me move past some of my fear of throwing stuff away. We made progress of epic proportions! At least three bags of garbage (maybe more...) and tons of space freed up in my room! We also sorted through some things of mine that, if I had my own place, would have been needed and properly organized but now are not of much use to me. We exchanged a very uncomfortable chair that used to belong to our neighbor with a much more comfortable rocking chair. I now have a space to do comfy reading in my room, instead of reading in my bed and falling asleep!

The best thing I learned today was that I can get over my fear of things. I might need a little help, a little hand holding and some Sour Patch Kids when it is all said and done--but I can do it.

And I think it's a good day when you learn something new about yourself.

(Side note: In the past 20 min or so after writing this post, I forgot that my chair had turned into a rocking chair TWICE! The last time I sat on it I said to myself, out loud, "Rocking chair. Rocking chair!" Oh boy...that one will take a little bit of time!)

Sister Pride

This summer I got to spend a lot of time with my little sister. I sometimes call her my baby sister, but she doesn't like that all the time. She's not a baby, I know, but still. I like being a big sister. So in my head, she's my baby sister.

Ya know what I learned from her?

She is a hard worker. Like super hard.

• She worked an almost a full time job at our local movie theatre. She even got promoted as Assistant Manager!
• She was in an alumni show at the high school here in town (in a role she wasn't terribly thrilled about, but ROCKED!).
• She mowed the grass (our grass & a friend's) just about every week, even though she has allergies from Hades.
• She exercised. Even on days she didn't mow grass. (I think mowing the grass is plenty of exercise for the week.) Even on days she had to work.
• She spent the summer (mostly) 11 hours away from her boyfriend.

And you know what?
She didn't complain. At least, not too much any way :)

• She managed to sing show tunes while mowing the grass. At the top of her voice.
• She baked almost every single week. And that girl can bake, let me tell you!
• She talked with her boyfriend practically all the time. They worked at making 11 hours feel not too far away.
• She took me to see Harry Potter 7.2 (mostly) because I wanted to see it. That's just the kind of sister she is.

I love this girl!
(even if she is a little crazy!)

I am always sad when she goes back to school. She drove back by her self this year and she left at 5am. So the night before she left, as is tradition, we snuggle under the same blanket and talk about the coming year. Is she excited to be going back? What class is she looking forward to the most? When is the next time she'll be home?

I can't wait to see her at Christmas for a few reasons, but the main one is this: we get to celebrate in person.
Celebrate what?
My baby girl sister is ENGAGED!

Vacation Day

Yesterday, I took a vacation.

I played with an almost 1 year old adorable little boy.
I changed diapers.
I read Skippyjon Jones.
I waited for the bus. Twice.
I had rest time with an awesome 5 year old. (I fell asleep; she didn't.)
I celebrated a 100% on a spelling test.
I ordered pizza.
I crazy danced with my shoes off.
I played dolls...badly.
I helped with math homework. (Hey, I can do 2nd grade math!)
I helped with bath time and was rewarded by getting water dumped on my pants.
I kissed three little faces goodnight.
I was hugged a lot, and was tickled a little too much.

I laughed. A lot.

There were other pretty amazing things about the day. I watched a good movie (that wasn't a cartoon) and had much needed conversation time with a friend. We talked about strengths and weaknesses. (And spoiler: Sharing weakness helps. A lot.)

The best part of this is that I didn't have to fly far away or drive for hours.
I drove 15 minutes down the road and found the most peaceful day I've had in a while.

And it was just what I needed.

Bigger than the Cross?

In the very first episode of the cult classic TV series "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," Buffy Summers is faced with a hellish situation: starting a new school.
Horrifying, no?
She meets with her new principle who starts their meeting by taking her transcript and ripping it to pieces before her eyes. "Welcome to Sunnydale. A clean slate, Buffy, that's what you get here. What's past is past. We're not interested in what it says on a piece of paper. Even if it says-whoa." He sees a few words, probably "fire" and "gymnasium" and falters. He spends the next few moments verbally supporting his "clean slate" philosophy, all the while slowly reconstructing the torn up transcript to reveal Buffy's very colorful past, taping it together and putting it back into her file.

Sometimes, I approach God like this. Hoping and wishing that I can start with a clean slate. I love that He can make my past ancient history. But I'm really afraid that He will say, "You have a clean slate, starting from--wait, you did WHAT three years ago? Yeah, well, that's not okay. So Let's see...clean slate from...hmmm." I am afraid that God will see my past, the things I've done and the things I've left undone, and tell me that there isn't any hope. I doubt the goodness of God.
And guess what? I got called out on it. By a podcast, no less.
As I was getting ready this morning I listened to a Matt Chandler sermon from last month called "Dealing with Doubt." He was speaking about when we doubt God's love and affection for us. (And I think, for some of us, worth, love and affection is directly tied to what we do or what we don't do.) Matt said this about doubting God's affection for us:

So some of you are walking in doubt because you just doubt God’s affection for you. And that’s idolatry, because what you’re doing in essence is looking at the bloody cross of Jesus Christ and going, “That’s not enough. You’re going to have to show me something bigger than this to convince me You love me.” Some of you are wrestling with doubt because you doubt Christ’s affection for you despite the fact that He went to the cross and died for you despite knowing you.

And that hit me in the gut. Massively. Tell Him the cross wasn't big enough? The suffering, the anguish, the pain of death on the cruelest devices of torture of that time? That wasn't good enough for me?
Sometimes it's a doubt thing or as Matt calls it, an idolatry thing. Sometimes, I wonder though, if it isn't a pride thing. "Sure you can save the world, but me? Nope. I've done too many bad things for you to save me." Too much of "me" in that sentence.

I'm reminded of Galatians 1:3-5, the passage my pastor spoke out of this past Sunday. (You can check out the outline here. The audio should be up soon.)
"Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ, who gave himself for our sins to rescue us from the present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen."

He gave himself up. To rescue. Me?

Apparently, yes.

Show me something bigger than the Cross?

I won't ever find something bigger than the Cross of Christ.
I just need to look at me less and look to Him more.

Rainy days

Is anyone else getting a little tired of the rain hitting PA these days? Just me?
I love the rain, I do. Any kind of rain makes me think of London rain. A traditional London rain is a consistent mist through out the day, but of course it does deluge on occasion. Like that day I spent running around the city, without rain boots, and my jeans got soaked up to my thighs? That was a pretty good day, though.
I had to brave all the rain yesterday. As much as I hated it, I had to. Why, you ask? (Drum roll, please....) Because of the interview I had! Woot! That's right! This girl had her first (ok, well second this summer, but this one I wanted!) interview for a real job! A full time job in an academic library!! (And, as a bonus, they offer graduate classes. Which means if I get this job, and if I have it for 6+months, I can start grad school for almost nothing! I think. Still working on details for that one.)
Of course to have this interview, I did have to drive an hour through pouring rain just to get there. And I had to take the longest detour ever just to get home because of flooding and downed trees on the road. And yes, I had to ShopVac the basement when I got home 2.5hrs after the interview.
How much has my life been like yesterday this past summer? My life has seen so many detours, closed roads and road blocks the past few months. Yesterday, I had my dad's GPS so thankfully I could get home with some certainty that I wasn't going to get lost. In life, I don't feel like I have that. I wish I could hear God's voice saying, "In three weeks, take the interview offered to you" or "Pass up the next three jobs in faith that the fourth one will be the one I have for you." My pastor once preached a sermon about how God, unlike our GPS units, doesn't tell up "Recalculating" because He isn't thrown by our mistakes or the troubles that come up in our life. He doesn't have to give up directions for a detour. I know all of that, but sometimes I would love to hear that audible voice giving directions. I know prayer goes a long way in this, I know. But still, there are days when I wish I could hear him say, "Laura, this is the one. This is it."

But you know what? Yesterday was a pretty good day. Rain and all, you ask?
Yes. Rain and all.

Prayers you didn't know you prayed

It is a new morning ritual of mine to grab my iPod before I even get out of bed and check email, Facebook, Twitter and my Google Reader. It helps me get all that "stuff" out of the way before I am actually awake enough to function for real. This sometimes results in me falling back to sleep waiting for a page to load but, oh well!
To my shock/joy/excitement about a hundred thousand other joyous emotions, I ran across this post by a woman I previously only knew through the blogosphere as "Annie." I am following her trek to Scotland and the things she is learning about faith and herself in the process. What really grabbed me was the pictures at the end of the post. Did they look familiar to you, if you hopped over there? Well, they should! If you didn't, this is what the pictures were of: Remember this church I found while I was in Scotland? I fell in love with it, flaws, abuse, weeds and all. I find it hard to put it succinctly into words, or even into words at all, the reason why this church stood out to me the way it did. Whatever the words, I almost hoped that it would stay like this, as a beautiful reminder of some great Truth about God's love never ending no matter how messed up we get.
But Annie's post changed all of that for me.
There is a church (Crossroads Church Edinburgh) that desperately wants to meet in a church. Not just any church. This church. They went out one day and cleaned the weeds from the front of the church in faith that God hears and will answer their prayers concerning this building.
And I wonder...did God allow me to find this church, fall in love with this church, so that in two (almost three) odd years later, I could pray specifically for Crossroads Church to have this beautiful place? So I could call up a well-loved memory, put myself on that sidewalk, and pray with them for the joy and purpose of the Kingdom work that will be done there?
I couldn't have known all of that on that weekend I fell in love with Scotland. No way. I had no way of knowing how to pray for Crossroads Church. But God placed in my heart a love for that particular plot of land, that particular building, those particular people that would eventually worship there.

Join me in praying for and with Crossroads Church concerning their dreams of meeting one day in this building. I think I started praying years ago for them, but it is so nice to be able to put a name with the church!

I have to ask: when in your life has God answered prayers you didn't know you had prayed?

(Check out the rest of Annie's blog here.)