I'm a Quitter, ya'll

Guess what kids? 
I'm a Quitter.
And proud of it. 
After far too many Sunday's as a Sunday Jerk  (Jon Acuff knows what real life is like.) and realizing I was so far past unhappy at my job, I Quit. It is also accurate to say I resigned, but Quit is the word I'll use. Let me explain why. 

You all remember when I got that job? The miraculous job that came after a holiday season working retail that sucked the joy out of my holiday? Yes. That one. My blessing job. As I worked day in and day out, I knew I couldn't stay there forever. But I should at least stick out a year, right? Maybe? As the days continued, I found myself growing more and more unhappy. And then, out of not quite no where, a job that was closer to my experience, closer to my major and MOST RELEVANT TO MY INTEREST came to my attention. "I'll apply. Yes. And if I don't get it," I told myself with the utmost resolve, "I WILL keep looking, even though I hate job searching. It is possible and perfectly acceptable to look for a new job and I am choosing to do that." 
I'm not going to lie-- it was really hard for me to even consider getting a new job. My father has had the same job my whole life. And even though my mother had a few job changes (which all seemed to make sense), to me, it is unusual to switch jobs for no reason. Or for simply being unhappy about your job. And it was my miracle job too! Walking away from that felt as if I was insulting God, telling him that his provision was no longer good enough for me. 

And in a way, it wasn't. But I am quite sure He could see that as well as I could, because about a week after my interview they offered me the job! A wink from heaven.
With just a day to spare, I had to get my resignation letter together to give two weeks notice. When I went into my boss's office, my hand was shaking, my voice was shaking, and I was sure I was going to be sick. So much nervousness over something that was going to end up being good for me! But I made it through. Yes, weird and awkward, but extremely important for the rest of my life. Jon Acuff says that quitting is about chasing your dream. I still don't know what my dream is, but I know I needed to Quit to find my dream.


My boss asked me do paperwork training for a woman who will be filling in until my office could hire a new AM. I was so overwhelmed and because the job deals in tiny details, I kept tripping over the order of tasks. Apparently when you've being doing something for seven months, you just fall into a rhythm and things just make sense. 
I found myself telling her, "But I hope to have that taken care of before you start" so many times. When she left, I looked at all the work I said that I would "take care of." It is at least one weeks worth of straight up filing. Filing. There might some self injury if I have to file for a solid week! I can't even stand to think about it! 

But somewhere in the craziness of my day, a small pocket of my heart whispers, "You have one week left. You can do this. You are more than this filing. You are worth more than your job. YOU are not your job." 
And yes, it whispers. I wish it would yell and scream. But as I reheat my tea and take a sip, I can hear it. And with every fibre of my being, I agree. 

Hello Monday

hello to one more day of Christmas celebration

hello to an extra day of family togetherness

hello to a semi-normal work week

hello to morning coffee with my daddy

hello to tea & conversation with my adopted little sister

hello to part time job searching...again

hello to my new devotional, A Year with Aslan {which I hope will get me writing more, thinking more, and praying more}

hello to a new year &  the new adventures and opportunities you will bring!

{ps. hello to friends that remind me to blog! I love you!}

Snowy Confession Time

Dear readers, I have to confess.

I haven't had more than 5 cups of coffee this month.

Insane, right?

It's the weather and my cold! It makes me want tea instead of coffee!

Good news is I'm starting to feel better and the coffee drinking has begun anew. I am feeling much more human and like my old caffeine-addled self.

But, alas, that is not the whole confession part.

Drumroll (and many apologies for not saying so sooner...):

I have a job!

Actually and technically, I have two jobs!

I started part-time regular work at Old Navy this week and it has been fabo-fabulous. I did happen to start on a particularly crazy day, as the Stuff&Save promotion happened this week. And getting to work yesterday was insane! The store was pretty quiet, which was a nice time to spend some more time getting to know the store better. This week I was on the sales floor; next week it looks like I'm on CashWrap. Which I'm not terribly excited about, but will find the strength to endure.
Why? How??
Because in my head, I'm always doing the happy "I've got a job!" dance!

I'm also part-time holiday at Bath & Body Works, but haven't started there yet. I'm having tons of issues with getting into the system from home to input my availability so I can be put on the schedule. So. I haven't worked yet and I'm not even in the schedule. I'll think about it tomorrow :)

Crazy, huh?

I waiting to post this for a few reasons. One being it felt weird to post about a job I had before working one shift. The bigger reason though was this: I was working on being thankful.
These jobs are not my dream jobs. When I officially was hired and my first orientations were scheduled, everyone around me was excited. I was thinking, "Gee, Lord. Retail? Really? Because when you see me you say "shopper!" My prayers were answered...just not in the way I had wanted! I felt embarrassed about having a job most college could get. No offense to college students, but I have my degree. Shouldn't I be able to get a "real", "grown-up" job? Apparently, not right now. Maybe soon. But not now.
It took some time, but I am finally thankful to have these jobs. (Even if it means driving to them in the snow! Rain! Or any other time!) They will stretch me. A lot.

And probably drive me to drink more coffee. Which, in the end, is a good thing, right?

P.S. Also, if this post is worded strangely (or rather, stranger than the usual oddness), I blame it on Rachel. She made me read this book called "Withering Tights" by Louise Rennison. It is hilarious and makes me talk like a 15 year old.

Rainy days

Is anyone else getting a little tired of the rain hitting PA these days? Just me?
I love the rain, I do. Any kind of rain makes me think of London rain. A traditional London rain is a consistent mist through out the day, but of course it does deluge on occasion. Like that day I spent running around the city, without rain boots, and my jeans got soaked up to my thighs? That was a pretty good day, though.
I had to brave all the rain yesterday. As much as I hated it, I had to. Why, you ask? (Drum roll, please....) Because of the interview I had! Woot! That's right! This girl had her first (ok, well second this summer, but this one I wanted!) interview for a real job! A full time job in an academic library!! (And, as a bonus, they offer graduate classes. Which means if I get this job, and if I have it for 6+months, I can start grad school for almost nothing! I think. Still working on details for that one.)
Of course to have this interview, I did have to drive an hour through pouring rain just to get there. And I had to take the longest detour ever just to get home because of flooding and downed trees on the road. And yes, I had to ShopVac the basement when I got home 2.5hrs after the interview.
How much has my life been like yesterday this past summer? My life has seen so many detours, closed roads and road blocks the past few months. Yesterday, I had my dad's GPS so thankfully I could get home with some certainty that I wasn't going to get lost. In life, I don't feel like I have that. I wish I could hear God's voice saying, "In three weeks, take the interview offered to you" or "Pass up the next three jobs in faith that the fourth one will be the one I have for you." My pastor once preached a sermon about how God, unlike our GPS units, doesn't tell up "Recalculating" because He isn't thrown by our mistakes or the troubles that come up in our life. He doesn't have to give up directions for a detour. I know all of that, but sometimes I would love to hear that audible voice giving directions. I know prayer goes a long way in this, I know. But still, there are days when I wish I could hear him say, "Laura, this is the one. This is it."

But you know what? Yesterday was a pretty good day. Rain and all, you ask?
Yes. Rain and all.

Childhood dreams

Growing up, I wanted to be either a nurse or a truck driver. (Ok sure, strange dream. But hey, at least they were real jobs.)

My parents were my heros and if they could do it, so could I. For the longest time, that was my dream. I couldn't decide which I wanted to be! As a truck driver, my dad was always going to the places that we would only get to visit on vacation. And he got to go EVERY WEEK! I suppose I get my travel bug from him, though I think my bug bit a little bit deeper because I like BIG travel. Out of the country travel. I would sit with my dad as he did his paperwork at home. It was the coolest thing.
I forget when that dream died. I think it might have been around the time I learned about truck driver stereotypes. I hated them so much. I still do. I hated the way people looked at me as I tried to explain with pride the work my father did. How unfair is that?
My dream to be a nurse died in the ninth grade. Pre-chemistry class. I asked one of the facilitators in my science class during a particularly difficult lesson, "Would I need to know how to do this math if I want to become a nurse?" She said yes, and my heart sank. Well there goes that, I thought.
Four years of college and a Bachelors in English (something I love), guess what kind of jobs I see in all the job searches I do?

Yup.

Nurses and truck drivers.

Maybe I gave up on those dreams too early...

Looking for a job like it's my job...just without the paycheck

It's been a crazy few weeks (or has it been almost a month?? Oops. Sorry about that.)!

To sum things up: I moved back home.

The End.

(No seriously. The end.)
The move went really well. There were four of us, one Uhaul thing on the back of my parent's car, my Jetta, and my friend's van. And yes, all of my possessions fit. I either have a sad pathetic life ... or I need to get rid of stuff so I can prep for living out of my car. Because, let's face it. If I don't get a job soon, that might be where I end up.
Trust me when I say that you, my readers, benefited from me NOT blogging during the past few weeks. It would have sounded like this, "Blah blah blah, Woe is me. I don't have a job. Waaaa waaaa. Blah blah blah." (Plus or minus a few rain clouds, tears and a few not safe for work outbursts. Trust me on this one. You are welcome.)
Last night was an uncommon low point for me, so I had it out with God.
Which is big talk for the chicken that I am.

Because what I actually did was beg.

I pleaded with Him to show me what to do. I asked questions. And then, I begged some more.
Most times, I feel like I missed His plan. Like He showed me this great big dream and I just forgot about it or ignored it. But even if I did (because sometimes I am dense...), isn't he the God of second chances? Would he really say, "Yeah....you are about five years off "The Plan" I had for you. You really buggered that one up. Good luck trying to find a way to make things work." I am clinging to the hope that he doesn't do that.
I've been seeing so many Tweets over the past few days that, even to my depressed mind, have been encouraging. Things that said reminded me that there are different seasons in life, that rain and drought have their time, that God loves even when we are unlovable. I read them all saying in my head, "Yes, I hear that. But how? Why? It can't be true for me."
But then I realized something. I have to look past the doubt and believe it anyway. It is hard, oh so hard for me to do that. But it is the only thing that makes sense right now.

So today, I'm looking for a job. Not just looking, but promising myself to actually APPLY for something. Big or small. And I'm choosing to believe that God's plan for me is still in place. Choosing to believe that I am here, in this moment, for a reason. Even if I haven't the foggiest idea what that reason is.
I'm choosing joy.
I'm choosing hope.