I've been working on Convention things (which reminds me, I need to finish reading/SparkNote-ing Billy Bud), though that hasn't been my main focus. I've been working on class stuff, and thesis/research paper stuff. I probably didn't get everything done that I wanted to, but I'm pretty happy with what I have achieved. School work stuff? A clue-no. I cleaned my room.
After you've all picked yourselves up off the floor...let me just say, I know. It's been a long time coming. I've been meaning to do it all week (for weeks) but I never made time for it. I think the motivation was simply a desire to NOT do homework. Whatever it was, it worked. I'm even impressed with me.
Actually, that might not have been the only motivation for it. I've had a pretty interesting week that's got me thinking about being a parent. (Don't worry--I'm not dropping hints or 'trying' to tell you anything.) I was 'super babysitter' (not 'super' coz I'm a great babysitter, but because I spent the night so it was a 'super' long job.) last weekend for some dear friends of mine. The whole family was home, I was just providing a break for the parents. So I put on my babysitting hat and read books until my throat was dry and I got tired of reading. I helped with meals and cleaning up the kitchen. We baked cookies and cup cakes, then decorated said cup cakes. (Overheard whilst getting ready to bake, one sister to the other: You look so pretty in your apron!) We watched "Little House on the Prairie" and "The Hunchback of Notre Dame." It was the best weekend. Coming home, I couldn't help but imagine what a full time job of mothering would look like. Surely it wasn't as simple as a babysitting job, but how much harder was it? I got a bit more of an answer when I went back midweek for a little extra help around the house. I was greeted by the girls with the most excited "Miss Laura!" you ever will hear. That's when I got to thinking the parenting thing might not be so bad. As I helped clean the house, I saw that (obviously) mothering was more than a full time job. It's cleaning up the house, cleaning up toys, putting things back the way they are meant to be, doing laundry, etc. I started wondering where being a woman figured in to/ with being a mother and a wife. I'm sure I will find that later, but for now, Parenting (yes, it gets a capital--it's a big deal) is one of those "it takes two" jobs that I'm just not ready for.
This view was further confirmed when I started my new babysitting job yesterday. I will be watching a 4 month old one night a week. Everything went really well! I'll be the first to admit I was a little surprised. It's been a while since I've been around a baby like that, let alone since I've been in charge of someone that small. There was one small crying fit, but I remedied it by a clean diaper. (I knew it had to be food or diaper. I used my deductive reasoning skills that since she had just been fed, it was probably the latter. Go me.) Relieved is the wrong word to use to describe how I felt when her daddy came home, but it might not be too far off. It was a good first day...but today, I miss holding her in my arms. It feels odd not to have her there, since I held her most of the time I was with her.
Maybe this is all crazy talk. All you Parents reading this are probably laughing. But I can't quite figure it out: what makes a parent? What makes a good parent? There doesn't seem to be a test to take (or pass) or a book to use to study. How do you know if you are doing it right? Mostly, I'm a romantic, but here I am a realist. Tell me how it works. Show me what to do.
I have the sinking feeling that Parenting doesn't work like that.
Well, anyway, back to researching. I left the two longest articles for last. That was smart. Maybe I can figure out what makes portals to magical worlds important. Or maybe I'll figure out that I need to do more research...