The Most Excellent Way

Summer is winding down and boy, do I feel it. Don't get me wrong, I am loving the heat (it is better than snow...), but I am thrilled that I'll be able to start wearing jeans again without worrying about passing out halfway through my day. Boots and scarves, sweaters and hats. Man. I love me some fall. 

But summer is Project Time at the office and I'm running out of time to finish all the things that need to get done before all the kids come back. And then there's the running that I've just kind of gotten back in the habit of and with my schedule change this week, I keep wondering how I'm going to keep that going strong. 
That's how life has been these last few months for me: busy. I'm trying to crush it all in and sometimes it works. Sometimes I get laundry and the dishes done, clean up the house and even have time to get together with some friends. And then there are days when I'm stopping for my first cup of coffee on my way to work. Exhaustion. Frazzled nerves. I don't know how I can keep it together. 

And then I was reading 1 Corinthians 13 today. Wow. Talk about a shot to the heart. Paul says that even if you are the smartest person in the room, have incredible faith or give to the poor--if it is done without love IT DOESN'T MATTER. 

I'm over here trying to do it all, be super single woman, but I think I've forgotten love. Paul goes on to say that love is not rude, it doesn't envy, and it is not self seeking. Rather, love is patient and kind. It keeps no records of wrong, and delights in the truth. Love is the only thing that will last in the end. 

In the busy of trying to get it all done, sometimes I forget that there are people on the other side of my demands. That should affect the way I behave, shouldn't it? 
Around us we see others use people as step stools to their own greatness, not worrying about the people they hurt in the process. But if we are kind, doesn't that make us doormats? Meek and submissive? 

Maybe? Is that always such a bad thing? Like I've said before, I don't have all the answers. But I was reminded that even if I have everything in order, all parts of my life (including my faith) in order but don't have love, it doesn't matter. Living without love seems to be a waste, then. And who wants to live a wasted life? 

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13

Hello Fall

Can you believe this weather? 

YUM. 

All fall and breezy and cool and leaf-crunching, salted caramel latte drinking, boot & scarf wearing weather? 

I adore it. 

A couple of weeks ago, if you remember (and if you live in my neighborhood…) we were having weather with an identity crisis. It was October but totally feeling like spring. I was all ready for the long sleeves, fuzzy boots and all of that, but the Sun was shinning and well…I was feeling a little over dressed. But I didn't care because I was able to spend the morning with my precious niece. It is hard for me to even believe that this girl is a whole year old already. She is a delight and I love spending time with her. She isn't talking a lot but, oh boy, she certainly knows how to tell you exactly what she wants!
We played outside that day, since it was so beautiful. We were going to go for a walk, but Miss Thang was a little sleepy and preferred that I carry her. I made no complaints. I would stop walking and ask her where she wanted to go next. She would point and away we would go. There are a few hills at my parents house (where we were hanging out that day) and how do you go down a hill with a one year old in your arms? By running, of course!
The wind caught her baby wispy hair, pushing it back off her face. The sun caught the gold in her hair and highlighted her laughing eyes. I was struck in the moment, as I am quite often when I am blessed to spend time with her, how perfectly happy she looked. She gives herself to new experiences fully. And I love that about her. She would burst out laughing when I would stop, almost as if the laugh was building up the whole time we were running and she didn't want to waste it to the wind or miss a moment of fun. 

We wandered over to the raspberry bush, where she insistently signed "more" and pointed to the bush. My girl likes her raspberries! There were only a few and I had to distract her when the ripe berries really were "all gone." We sat on the slightly damp ground and pulled up grass and ripped up a brown crunchy leaf. We just sat. No talking. We just passed the leaf back and forth and ripped it to pieces. And in that moment, as I watched the sun on her face and her little fingers work so carefully, I was thankful. 

Thankful for cold weather. 

Thankful for sun. 

Thankful for the precious child sitting in front of me. 

Thankful for being able to spend time with her & get to know her tiny self better.

And it was hard going to work that day. It was hard leaving her and those moments of peace and quiet. It seemed so wrong that I would have to go to work after spending such a beautiful morning with people I love. But even now, I carry that image in my head of Baby Girl's face: the wind blowing her hair, the sun, the joy, the laughter. And no matter how cold it gets or how many scarves I wear or lattes I drink, nothing warms my heart like that girl. 

A Perfect Day

I don't think I call days "perfect" very often, but if I was pressed to pick a word for yesterday, "perfect" is the word I would pick. 

It wasn't perfect because I was finally at church on time. Come on, guys. Some things never change. 
And it wasn't because work was great (which doesn't mean that it wasn't) or because my car didn't flash me the 'check engine' light (because it did). 

It was perfect in that way you notice when you step back and say, "I felt loved. I felt cared for. I felt challenged, in all the good ways." 

I got so see one of my "families" yesterday. We talked about life, reminisced about when I first met them (they had 2 children then; now they have 4), and made tentative plans to get together.  This is one family that has the uncanny ability to look at me, love me and no matter what is going on with them or me, sit down and say, "So how are things?" and I know I'm expected to answer truthfully. Not just for their benefit, but for mine as well. And with the complete understanding that they actually care. It's not just a conversation piece. It's the truth.  

I got to see my little boy who I haven't seen for months. Since like Christmas. Well, it feels like that long anyway. I got to hug and snuggle, tickle and kiss him and just be with him. He's 2 and of course, too cool for most things. I'm so thankful he isn't too cool to be snuggled and kissed by this girl. Of all the people I miss, and I miss a lot on my new schedule, he is the one I think I miss the most. I've been with him, watching him, taking care of him, playing with him since he was born. I spent almost the first year of his life with him, a few times a week. And then some. And I really really miss seeing him grow up. 

And work was work. It's spring break for the kids so the campus is pretty quiet. The library is less busy than normal, but we still see a lot of traffic. Graduate classes are still in session so students still need a place to study. It was a nice quiet day, though. 

I had all these grand plans for last night after work. Cook. Clean. Attempt to get my life in some kind of order after the weekend. Not much of that happened. I put a few books away. (Which will continue to be the story of my life for months. I still have about 5 boxes of books that need to find homes...) I rewatched some of The Lizzie Bennet Diaries. I sat down and finished a movie. I ate some chocolate. I just had a nice night. And even though I'm still a little exhausted today, it's a good exhausted. 


And even though I'm getting a bit of a late start to the day, I'm a little excited about today. No special reason. But it's like those brilliant Relient K guys said: It's funny how you find you enjoy your life when you're happy to be alive. 

Today is one of those days. 

hello monday

hello blog. {sorry i haven't been on in 6 months...i still love you. honest!}

hello to monday night game night & laughs with friends {even if i didn't win at uno}

hello notes on my desk at work that make my day happy {and the snack in the fridge was nice too!}

hello Skype chats with my little sister in Indiana {i love your face, even if it was fuzzy}

hello mom who lets a bunch of 20 somethings invade her home {massive thanks, by the way! we had a blast!}

hello new computer that makes me feel as if i might actually be a grownup {or something like one}

finally, hello sleep. it's been a long exhausting, exhilarating day. thanks for everything.

Happy Birthday, Jack!

Today is C.S. Lewis' (or Jack, as he was called by his friends) birthday.

One of my favourite quotes from him is about reading and how it can take you to so many places and experiences without you ever needing to go outside. I found the quote in high school and wrote it down and kept it for years. I cannot for the life of me find that paper. When I do, I promise you will see it!

I read The Four Loves, a fabulous book and favourite of mine, while I was still in high school. I read it again after because there was so much good stuff in it. One of the things Jack says that stuck out to me is this:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

I love that he never says that love is a waste of time. I love that he acknowledges that love is a risk. I love that he makes not taking a risk sound worse than being vulnerable and loving.

Do you have a favourite C. S. Lewis quote? Book? I would love to hear what you love best about Jack & why!