Experience: the most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn ~ C. S. Lewis
I am attempting to write a speech for my graduation in May. Well, it's really a trial speech to see if the powers that be like my style and what I have to say. Before everyone gets excited, this quote is all I have so far. My rough draft? Due tomorrow. "But," you say, eyes going wild, "Laura, you don't write rough drafts." I know. "You spend weeks planning and thinking and mulling thoughts over and regurgitate a perfect piece into a Word.doc the night before." I know, I know! The thing about rough drafts is that people usually want to see 80-90% of the actual completed piece in whatever "draft" you give them. The changes to be made are THEIR suggestions, not your own tweaks to perfect things. This idea of a rough draft has me scared. Frightened. Terrified. I feel like I'm under this huge pressure to summarize my "education and experience" at Alvernia in a page, to condense my 4 very long years of undergrad into 4 paragraphs of a quippy intelligent commentary on higher education. Without being cheesy or lame.
But more than the fear of being cheesy and lame, I'm scared about what that might mean about the past 4 years. Can I really sum up all those experiences? Can I sum up my job at the library that spans 2 solid years and a smattering of summers and breaks? Can I sum up my job at the learning center and all the crazy, I mean, interesting people I've met there? Can I sum up my semester abroad in such a short space? The classes, the professors? It's not the capstone of my education (that honor is reserved for my ginormous thesis due at end of term and yes, I've changed topics. Again.), but I feel it must somehow represent EVERYTHING. That fact that I might be able to do this scares me and makes me feel like the months, weeks, days and hours that made up my undergrad can be grouped and packaged together in the box labeled "Experience" that sits on the shelf next to the box labeled "Memories."
On a less depressing note, I figured that dividing my thesis into three parts (three different books that I'm going to look at) means 3, 7 page papers in the course of the semester. Now that is do-able.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
Double snow day
These last few days have been CRAZY! Who knew that the sky and the heavens could hold so much snow?! I don't have a final report for you, but it was at least up to my knees. And then, it snowed some more! And guess who got to shovel out the household? Yup. Me. I rock.
Things were going well, except for the snow and the cold. Wednesday afternoon came and took the electricity with it. In a flurry of excitement and consternation (pun, however unfortunate, was intended), mother and I hauled out the generator. On a normal day this is a chore. On a day that I had to shovel the path to the barn to get the generator out and pull it up the hill, well, I felt like SuperWoman when it all was said and done (and like I should have tied a rope from the house to the barn like in Little House on the Prairie). We ran the generator for about 4 hours. As the night wore down, and Mercy ended, we took care of our nightly routine (blanket? check, lantern and flashlight? check) in preparation for shutting down the generator. (Heffner girls: do ya'll remember those blue flashlights from Weaver's that we got at the Oley Fair ages ago? Yeah, mine still worked! Go me!) Mom unplugged the plug and unswitched the switches. I moved the generator into the basement, so crazies who actually made it through all of the snow to our back porch couldn't steal it.We get our lanterns and get ready to go upstairs, when mom stops. "Did the freezer motor just go on?" Click goes the light by the washing machine. Light. Oh well.
The weekend was full of shoveling, shoveling, cold, snow, and more shoveling. My dad and I did a lot of clean up work, part of which involved cleaning out George, little sister's car, who got buried in the snow, and knocking the icicles off the gutter. May I just add that I was TERRIFIED that I would be impaled by a falling icicles? I was! (I almost put a video link to it here, but decided against it. It brings flashbacks.) Needless to say, I pretty much stood back and watched for that one.
I should get working on something now...that would be good. A little bit of school work, a little bit of resume work. And I swear, if there is any more snow I'm moving to somewhere HOT. Or to London. Either way...
Things were going well, except for the snow and the cold. Wednesday afternoon came and took the electricity with it. In a flurry of excitement and consternation (pun, however unfortunate, was intended), mother and I hauled out the generator. On a normal day this is a chore. On a day that I had to shovel the path to the barn to get the generator out and pull it up the hill, well, I felt like SuperWoman when it all was said and done (and like I should have tied a rope from the house to the barn like in Little House on the Prairie). We ran the generator for about 4 hours. As the night wore down, and Mercy ended, we took care of our nightly routine (blanket? check, lantern and flashlight? check) in preparation for shutting down the generator. (Heffner girls: do ya'll remember those blue flashlights from Weaver's that we got at the Oley Fair ages ago? Yeah, mine still worked! Go me!) Mom unplugged the plug and unswitched the switches. I moved the generator into the basement, so crazies who actually made it through all of the snow to our back porch couldn't steal it.We get our lanterns and get ready to go upstairs, when mom stops. "Did the freezer motor just go on?" Click goes the light by the washing machine. Light. Oh well.
The weekend was full of shoveling, shoveling, cold, snow, and more shoveling. My dad and I did a lot of clean up work, part of which involved cleaning out George, little sister's car, who got buried in the snow, and knocking the icicles off the gutter. May I just add that I was TERRIFIED that I would be impaled by a falling icicles? I was! (I almost put a video link to it here, but decided against it. It brings flashbacks.) Needless to say, I pretty much stood back and watched for that one.
I should get working on something now...that would be good. A little bit of school work, a little bit of resume work. And I swear, if there is any more snow I'm moving to somewhere HOT. Or to London. Either way...
Monday, February 1, 2010
"He is already in tomorrow"
An hour after I posted my last entry, I read an excerpt from Mere Christianity that coincided almost exactly to what I was trying to express! I was completely blown away. I wanted to share some of what the great C. S. Lewis has to say about the way God sees time:
...suppose God is outside and above the Time-line. In that case, what we call 'tomorrow is visible to Him in just the same way as what we call 'today.' All the days are 'Now' for Him.
I find this thought to be extraordinarily encouraging. Why should I worry (or be concerned) with things that will happen tomorrow or today? If God sees our tomorrow's and today's as a great big NOW, why should I think He doesn't see every thing that came/comes/will come my way?
It means that the pregnancy my friend prayed for (and is finally experiencing!) was on the Time-line before she even thought about it! It means that the baptism of my (other) friend's husband that we had been praying for ever since I met them (and years beyond that) was already on God's agenda for this past Sunday! It means the thesis paper I am struggling to write is already completed! (And can I get a great big AMEN on that one?!?!)
You know what it means? It means that Matthew 6:25-34 is RIGHT!
~So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself~ Matt. 6:34
I find this thought to be extraordinarily encouraging. Why should I worry (or be concerned) with things that will happen tomorrow or today? If God sees our tomorrow's and today's as a great big NOW, why should I think He doesn't see every thing that came/comes/will come my way?
It means that the pregnancy my friend prayed for (and is finally experiencing!) was on the Time-line before she even thought about it! It means that the baptism of my (other) friend's husband that we had been praying for ever since I met them (and years beyond that) was already on God's agenda for this past Sunday! It means the thesis paper I am struggling to write is already completed! (And can I get a great big AMEN on that one?!?!)
You know what it means? It means that Matthew 6:25-34 is RIGHT!
~So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself~ Matt. 6:34
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Eternal vs. Temporal
I think one of the hardest things for me in life is wrapping my head around the fact that this life is not the end goal. It is so easy to forget in a world that promotes the "now" with no regard to the "later". I was reminded of this twice in two days. Repetition is God's highlighter--maybe if I hear it enough, it will sink in.
Today's sermon was about the worshiping disciple. We were reminded (I say reminded, because I think we all knew this in the back of our heads, somewhere. Anyway, it feels like I should have known it...) that God needs to have the place of glory in our lives. That place of glory is the thing we worship. Worship, we were told, doesn't stop when the music stops, nor does it need music to begin. I was struck by the notion that, like prayer, worshiping our Creator is something we should be doing all the time. The concept of doing anything 'without ceasing' is foreign to our minds. People talk a lot, but eventually they need to take a break. They need to sleep, eat, read--whatever. Breathing is something we do without ceasing, but that is even something we can't control. We could stop breathing tomorrow; that doesn't mean the worship stops. I think this is a struggle for some (myself included) because our time lines are so linear.
I'm sorta glad God's time line is different than ours. Though I would love to know just what is coming, when it is coming, and what I need to do in order to be prepared for it, believing and trusting that He has everything perfectly planned takes the pressure off of me. It sounds like a crutch, and maybe it is. But I honestly would rather that than have to worry and plan and force my (tiny) linear plan any where near God's perfect plan.
I was reminded yet again of God's plan and His timing in my devotional Experiencing God Day-by-Day by Henry & Richard Blackaby. On 16 January (for those who might have it), they talk about the story of Abram. God made Abram a promise that his name would be great and that all the families of the earth would be blessed through him (Gen. 12:1-3). Abram had no children, but a promise from God is a promise from God, right? And so, Abram waited on God. The Blackaby's said over the course of 25 years, God shaped and adjusted Abram's character so that it would be exactly right for the task that God had called him to accomplish. A promise that took 25 years?!? Excuse me! That does NOT fit on my time line! Abram had some troubles remembering what God had promised him, but I think when he heard Isaac's first cry he remembered.
I have the same promises to hold on to. I am told I am a child of God, that He has a plan to prosper me, a plan of hope and not a plan to harm me, a way of salvation. He tells me He gives perfect peace, a spirit not of fear but of love, power & a sound mind. He promises to never leave me. I have trouble remembering to worship on an eternal time line; I have trouble remembering that God's time line is different than mine. But now that I am reminded of it, I have to wait. I have to watch. I have to see what God is needing to teach me before His promises come to fruition. Maybe that means waiting for a job, waiting for direction with school, waiting for relationships, waiting for travel plans.
But even now, in all the waiting, I am given another promise: If I wait on God, He will renew my strength. I will run and not get tired. I will walk and not be weary (Isaiah 40:31). Did you notice that the person is going from running to walking? Sometimes life slows us down. But the verse doesn't say they would sit around and not get bored or anything else resembling a noncommittal or apathetic response. The person waiting on God is ACTIVELY waiting on God. They are living in the temporal with their eyes on the eternal.
Today's sermon was about the worshiping disciple. We were reminded (I say reminded, because I think we all knew this in the back of our heads, somewhere. Anyway, it feels like I should have known it...) that God needs to have the place of glory in our lives. That place of glory is the thing we worship. Worship, we were told, doesn't stop when the music stops, nor does it need music to begin. I was struck by the notion that, like prayer, worshiping our Creator is something we should be doing all the time. The concept of doing anything 'without ceasing' is foreign to our minds. People talk a lot, but eventually they need to take a break. They need to sleep, eat, read--whatever. Breathing is something we do without ceasing, but that is even something we can't control. We could stop breathing tomorrow; that doesn't mean the worship stops. I think this is a struggle for some (myself included) because our time lines are so linear.
I'm sorta glad God's time line is different than ours. Though I would love to know just what is coming, when it is coming, and what I need to do in order to be prepared for it, believing and trusting that He has everything perfectly planned takes the pressure off of me. It sounds like a crutch, and maybe it is. But I honestly would rather that than have to worry and plan and force my (tiny) linear plan any where near God's perfect plan.
I was reminded yet again of God's plan and His timing in my devotional Experiencing God Day-by-Day by Henry & Richard Blackaby. On 16 January (for those who might have it), they talk about the story of Abram. God made Abram a promise that his name would be great and that all the families of the earth would be blessed through him (Gen. 12:1-3). Abram had no children, but a promise from God is a promise from God, right? And so, Abram waited on God. The Blackaby's said over the course of 25 years, God shaped and adjusted Abram's character so that it would be exactly right for the task that God had called him to accomplish. A promise that took 25 years?!? Excuse me! That does NOT fit on my time line! Abram had some troubles remembering what God had promised him, but I think when he heard Isaac's first cry he remembered.
I have the same promises to hold on to. I am told I am a child of God, that He has a plan to prosper me, a plan of hope and not a plan to harm me, a way of salvation. He tells me He gives perfect peace, a spirit not of fear but of love, power & a sound mind. He promises to never leave me. I have trouble remembering to worship on an eternal time line; I have trouble remembering that God's time line is different than mine. But now that I am reminded of it, I have to wait. I have to watch. I have to see what God is needing to teach me before His promises come to fruition. Maybe that means waiting for a job, waiting for direction with school, waiting for relationships, waiting for travel plans.
But even now, in all the waiting, I am given another promise: If I wait on God, He will renew my strength. I will run and not get tired. I will walk and not be weary (Isaiah 40:31). Did you notice that the person is going from running to walking? Sometimes life slows us down. But the verse doesn't say they would sit around and not get bored or anything else resembling a noncommittal or apathetic response. The person waiting on God is ACTIVELY waiting on God. They are living in the temporal with their eyes on the eternal.
Monday, January 11, 2010
when prayer is answered
The Bible tells us to "pray without ceasing" (1 Thes. 5:17). We are to trust God with whatever we are dealing with--relationships, jobs, our Christian walk, finances, families-- and not worry about it. Easier said than done, let me tell you.
Actually, I bet I don't need to tell you. You have probably already come across something in your life that you have struggled to give to God completely. Sometimes, it seems I am constantly telling God, "Okay you need to take care of this because I just can't" a la Hezekiah and the scroll (2 Kings 19: 14-16). I find it hard to learn my lessons and am often praying and returning control to God for the same things. He, however, is full of grace and love and continues to read the scroll that contains my struggles I put before him. In all of my failings, He never leaves. I was reminded of this fact once again last night.
About four years ago, I was getting ready to graduate high school. My youth group was also in a transition; the search for a new youth pastor was underway. Even though I wouldn't be in the youth group much longer, I felt that it was important that I care about the process and who was picked because it would be my sister and many of my friends that would be affected by the choice made. I wanted them to have a good godly example and to grow in God. That youth group has been through more than a few trials in four years, and is now searching for a place for their growing number. At a church meeting where this issue was discussed, many youth leaders spoke about the good attitudes the youth had about their small meeting space and the spiritual growth in spite of their small space;after this, the youth were given an opportunity to share their thoughts. With complete and utter respect, these youth members shared honestly with the members their desire for a bigger space. But not only that, they also shared their own thoughts on their spiritual growth. Though others saw growth, the youth all stated that there seemed to be a regression, a slowing even reversal of growth. This, their desire for spiritual growth, was the motivation for a bigger space, and not the space itself. I was impressed with their poise and confidence to speak to the adult members of the church.
As I was driving home, I realized that they were an answer to that prayer that I had prayed four years ago. Through the struggles they went through, by God's Grace, they came through it with the sole desire to honor God. They desire better communication with other members of the youth group. They want, desperately it seems, to have a better relationship with their God, deeper than what people think they already have. There is no way I would have wished that they had struggles or hard times; however, I am thankful that God saw fit to work things out for good, for those who love Him. And I'm thankful that God, in the round about way that He does things (round about in my mind), chose to answer my prayers. So what that it took four years for me to see results? It isn't about that.
The prayer was answered. That is all that matters. And so, I will keep praying. Keep praying for peace in a job search, peace in my relationships, peace for the future. Why? Because He is faithful, even when and especially, when I am not.
Actually, I bet I don't need to tell you. You have probably already come across something in your life that you have struggled to give to God completely. Sometimes, it seems I am constantly telling God, "Okay you need to take care of this because I just can't" a la Hezekiah and the scroll (2 Kings 19: 14-16). I find it hard to learn my lessons and am often praying and returning control to God for the same things. He, however, is full of grace and love and continues to read the scroll that contains my struggles I put before him. In all of my failings, He never leaves. I was reminded of this fact once again last night.
About four years ago, I was getting ready to graduate high school. My youth group was also in a transition; the search for a new youth pastor was underway. Even though I wouldn't be in the youth group much longer, I felt that it was important that I care about the process and who was picked because it would be my sister and many of my friends that would be affected by the choice made. I wanted them to have a good godly example and to grow in God. That youth group has been through more than a few trials in four years, and is now searching for a place for their growing number. At a church meeting where this issue was discussed, many youth leaders spoke about the good attitudes the youth had about their small meeting space and the spiritual growth in spite of their small space;after this, the youth were given an opportunity to share their thoughts. With complete and utter respect, these youth members shared honestly with the members their desire for a bigger space. But not only that, they also shared their own thoughts on their spiritual growth. Though others saw growth, the youth all stated that there seemed to be a regression, a slowing even reversal of growth. This, their desire for spiritual growth, was the motivation for a bigger space, and not the space itself. I was impressed with their poise and confidence to speak to the adult members of the church.
As I was driving home, I realized that they were an answer to that prayer that I had prayed four years ago. Through the struggles they went through, by God's Grace, they came through it with the sole desire to honor God. They desire better communication with other members of the youth group. They want, desperately it seems, to have a better relationship with their God, deeper than what people think they already have. There is no way I would have wished that they had struggles or hard times; however, I am thankful that God saw fit to work things out for good, for those who love Him. And I'm thankful that God, in the round about way that He does things (round about in my mind), chose to answer my prayers. So what that it took four years for me to see results? It isn't about that.
The prayer was answered. That is all that matters. And so, I will keep praying. Keep praying for peace in a job search, peace in my relationships, peace for the future. Why? Because He is faithful, even when and especially, when I am not.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Silent Night
The holiday season is full of hustle and bustle. Rushing around Christmas Eve services (yes, services plural), Christmas with my mom's family, Christmas with my dad's family, after Christmas shopping and tons of cooking and baking. I had a great few days of celebrations, but right now is the time that I like: the afterglow of a slight holiday hangover. I don't exactly like the hangover feeling. Too much food is too much food and there is no pretty way to spin that one. But it's the quiet I like. The quiet of the world. Everyone comes home for the holidays. I sat in the living room by the tree Christmas Eve night, because let's face it, I'm a child, and I just sat there. Mesmerized by the lights (see? I'm a child.) and the excitement. But mostly I was aware of the silence. There is something really special to me about that kind of silence. Right now, I'm at Sonya's apartment spending time with my sisters. Sonya is sitting on her new bean bag chair, which is actually her first bean bag chair ever. We are all pretty excited about this one. Meagan is talking on the phone and being super cute whilst doing so. She is also playing with my hair, which is really sweet of her. Sonya has a bunch of candles lit so the place smells like Christmas. The radiators are boiling and bubbling and making those weird noises that they do. But I like it. It's cozy. To me, this is better than Christmas parties, holiday hoedowns and big family get together things. I'm spending time with my girls and it doesn't get too much better than that.
Though, if you threw in a gigantic cup of coffee, a book and a super comfy chair there might be a tie.
Though, if you threw in a gigantic cup of coffee, a book and a super comfy chair there might be a tie.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Jingle Bells
Christmas is one of my favourite holidays. I love the smells of cookies baking, hot chocolate, coffee, Yankee candles, and snow. And yes, snow DOES have a smell! I love that everyone is playing Christmas music--even the secular radio stations! Sure, you'll hear the traditional "Santa Claus is Coming to Town," but you will also hear "O Come, All Ye Faithful" and "Silent Night." And to me, that is one of the best things about Christmas. It is once a year that the entire world proclaims that in a little town in Bethlehem the Savior of the world was born.
The other day (now, it's been about two weeks now) I wore my jingle bell bracelet. It is my one piece of holiday jewelry and I love it! The kids in high school hated me for wearing it. Every move I make, this thing jingles. It's not too loud and obnoxious, but everyone knows when I'm in the room! I noticed it most when I was driving. I had a bit of a crazy day and was running all over the place. But in my car, when I was listening to the world proclaim the birth of the Savior it won't recognize any other time of the year, my jingle bells sounded like hope, tinkling with every turn I made. What if, instead of an angel getting it's wings, a person came to know to true meaning of Christmas every time a bell rang? What a thought!
May you 'jingle all the way' to the manger this Christmas season!
The other day (now, it's been about two weeks now) I wore my jingle bell bracelet. It is my one piece of holiday jewelry and I love it! The kids in high school hated me for wearing it. Every move I make, this thing jingles. It's not too loud and obnoxious, but everyone knows when I'm in the room! I noticed it most when I was driving. I had a bit of a crazy day and was running all over the place. But in my car, when I was listening to the world proclaim the birth of the Savior it won't recognize any other time of the year, my jingle bells sounded like hope, tinkling with every turn I made. What if, instead of an angel getting it's wings, a person came to know to true meaning of Christmas every time a bell rang? What a thought!
May you 'jingle all the way' to the manger this Christmas season!
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